Posted by: drinkchai | March 19, 2008

New job, new life.

2007 is in full view for me now, after 10 months. The reasons that I left New York are fully apparant to me. It was a depressing time for me while my stay was ending for a variety of reasons and my life seemed beyond my control.

Then after being jobless, homeless, broke and heartbroken I stumbled upon San Francisco.

Someplace I had always liked, admired but never dreamed that I would be living here someday. For one, there is something to be said for a physical beauty of the place, it gave me the space I needed to thrash my thoughts, toss them around and see where they fell.

A lot of habits are being uncovered now and I’m trying to probe why they started in the first place. Somethings are a result of my teens and somethings are a result of feeling alienated here.

It used to be hard for me to stay without any distraction. So when I tried – no TV, no music, no books, no computer, nothing, just me a cup of tea and my innermost thoughts for company, just observing each one and not passing any judgment. – It was overwhelming at first. Then almost meditative after a while.

So after months and years I am completely comfortable with silence.

Each innermost devil has been welcomed and made to sit with me and my cup of tea. Then we have intimate conversations as to why he even exists, how he made his way through upto here and now, we probe to his beginnings, there used to be an Ameet before him that’s who I’m looking out for, so we go deep and investigate, we talk, laugh, cry but after all that we say goodbye.

I assure him that if he needs to talk, I’m here but we don’t need him anymore and that he is free to go.

Many have left. Some weak ones say hi every now and then but they know they are no longer welcome.

So the process of healing continues. This is an abstract version for what is in my journal. This is the marinade for the meat and I feel good writing it this way, should someone be interested in exorcising their demons or/and might have found a different way, I’d love to talk to them.

Never before did I feel at home at home and now I do. I always, always wanted to do creative agency work but I had no agency experience nor advertising/marketing degree. Still I managed to get just that job!

I think wonderful things happen when you let them, when you create that space when you drive out the demons.

Not that everything is hunky dory from now on but I’ve invested in a life and got a life that I wanted, all the struggles will get even more personal from now on and I’m grateful for that, rather have that than a skimmer, rather nothing than mediocre.

And only when I think my creative bucket is empty, I’ve begun composing and writing two new songs.




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